What do you carry with you?

Weight:  180lbs

Did my run today.  I can almost do 3/4 of the track now.  Woohoo, baby!  Small victory. *high five*

Sorry for the protracted silence this weekend.  Didn't think the car accident would throw me off my game, particularly since it wasn't anything major.  However, it did.  I recognise that now.

You know, one of the biggest things that I battle with is not letting go of things.  It makes a bad situation worse.  I was upset about the accident.  I didn't cause it, but it still upset me and I blamed myself for not being able to avoid it.  So that got me unhappy this weekend... .and hence, no blogging, no running, nothing.  I got bogged down about being 'bogged down'.  Talk about unproductive feelings!

I've spoken before about forgiveness because I think guilt is something that most of us hold onto in one form or another... and often without realising it.  Ask yourself today, what haven't you forgiven yourself for?  What haven't you let go?  Down on yourself about not doing enough house chores?  About missing a jog?  Or having dessert?  About a certain life choice you made?  Or the little choices you made along the way?

How would you feel if you forgave yourself for that?  How would you feel after letting that go?

Bananatastic!

Last night, I made an awesome smoothie .  Super yummy and healthy.  Thought I'd share it with you!

• 11/2 frozen ripe banana (peel the skin ahead of time, then throw into freezer overnight)
• 1/2 of the inside of a young coconut (find at asian grocers - the soft meat pulls out of the shell easily)
• 10oz of almond milk unsweetened (substitute with your "milk" of choice)

Blend till smooth.  I used a magic bullet 'cause it was convenient.  Whatever blender you have at home will do.  

It's sweet and fragrant from the ripe banana, and rich and creamy from the coconut meat.  How simple is that?  If you can't find young coconuts, don't worry about including them.  I've made this without it and it's still tasty.  Kids love it 'cause it's such a treat.

Grrr...

Totally grumpy tonight.  Had someone t-bone my car.  When I called in the claim, the adjuster said that the other party gave a completely different account.  So now it has to go to a special adjuster.

GrRrrr.... ARgh!

Tomorrow will be a better day.  It will.  I'm sure of it.

Weight:  179lbs

Do Life.

So I want to give a shout out to one of the people who inspired me to take up the challenge of improving my health and to blog about it -- Ben, of Ben Does Life fame.

Ben made a decision two years ago to change his life.... and he's been on that journey ever since.  He started out at 358lbs and is now down to an incredible 240lbs-ish!  He's done tons of races and a few marathons and even an Ironman.  He's completely turned his life around.  But it's not the numbers that impress me most.  It's the attitude he's shown and his generosity of spirit.   He shares a lot of himself (unvarnished).  And though he's not quite at his goal weight, his blog seems to have taken on a new purpose (though I don't think Ben has explicitly said it):  to give back, and to help, and to inform and inspire others on their own journey.

But don't take my word for it.  Check it out his blog and watch his story!


Have a great day, everyone!  Live an inspired life.

What do you do when it's a slog?

Weight:  179lbs

Tonight I made it out the door and did a run.  Yay!  I know it's a small, but crucial victory.  I didn't go for very long, but it was great to see that I could run a little bit longer still.  I must admit, it feels great to notice the improvements in stamina and breathing and heart rate.  I'm starting to be able to run 1/2 the track now.  That's still only 200m and a few seconds longer, but it's an IMPROVEMENT!!!  :)  I'm looking forward to the day that I can go for 40mins of running without stopping.  That's something I've never been able to do, even when I was younger and much fitter.  So that's one of the goals that I'm working towards.

I was hungry and tired after class, so as an incentive to complete my activity, I promised myself that I would only have to run for as long as it took the frozen lasagna to heat in the oven.  How's that for making sure I didn't have a long workout??  *haha*











I know I promised to share some insights into my core values, but I'm bushed and have a lot of readings to complete before I can go to bed.  So please, excuse me as I beg off.  The books are calling.

Today's question:  What do you do when motivation is low and it's a challenge to get yourself out the door?

More about the journey

You know, as I came home today, I was reflecting on my day and what I would blog about tonight.  I'm pretty exhausted.  Really tired because I stayed up all night trying to get some school work done.  Finally had to lay down for a couple of hours because my eyes were super dry (had an eye injury before) and my brain was showing me the Principle of Diminishing Returns.  *haha*

These are so soft and tasty... yum!

Just finished dinner.  My first meal / food today.  Not great, I know.  But what can you do?  These are water dumplings.  LOVE them.  Quick and easy.  I almost gobbled these all up before realising a picture might be nice to share.  Yum!

See how they're almost gone!  I started with 12 of these little suckers!

So putting that aside, I thought I would share with you a little more about what this journey means to me.  These last few days have been filled with introspection and reflexivity.  Those of you who know me, know that I do this pretty often as is!  ;)

This time around, I've been reeeally focused on only two things:

1) Remembering my core values.  Making sure that I am clear about the values that I most cherish in my life for my life.  (ie What are the things that mean the most to me, and bring me the most joy and love and happiness?  What are the things that give me the best quality of life?); 

 2)  What do I want to achieve for myself?  What is the path I need to take to get there?  

These are the kinds of questions that my beautiful, amazing life coach put forward to me.

As I get my head/health/heart back on track, I'm finding myself in a better head space and gaining more clarity every day.  And that is what this whole blog is about.  Getting back on track...!  Moving towards those goals that speak to my core values!  This journey isn't about losing weight, or fitting a particular dress/image.  It's about discovery... finding myself.... and choosing the kind of life that I want for me.

How exciting is that?

Tomorrow:  I will share some of my core values with you.
Weight:  179lbs

School work day

Weight:  178

Priority is school today.  I've got a mad dash to finish a paper for school.  Running to meet deadlines seems to be my most consistent form of running

Hrmph.

On a good note, obviously the juicing helped.  Weight dropped 3 lbs from yesterday.  But I can't put stock into that number.  Weight can fluctuate so wildly.  Besides, this journey is not about losing weight.  It's about gaining my health back.  ...which is why.... I've decided to record my weigh-ins on the 1st and 15th of each month.  I'll likely weigh myself a bit more regularly than that, but I'm not going to get too excited about making a note of it until the specified days.

Ran before the rain

Knocked off an activity today.  Getting ever so slowly better -- little by little.  I can run for a little while longer and I can push myself more frequently.  I still can't run around the entire track without stopping, but I'm sure I'll get there.  Figured out that the track is a 400m oval, so I can also figure out my pace from there.  Yay!

Bitter (drink) to swallow

Have you ever heard of bitter melon?  Ever tried it?  Seen it?

I was at the Asian supermarket the other night and decided to pick one of these puppies up.  In the past, I used to have it whenever my mother used the juicer.  So let's just say it's an acquired taste.  :P

This morning's juice continued the green theme from last time.  I chose these items less for their taste, and more for their detox properties.

- 1/2 bitter melon
- 1/2 cucumber
- 2 stalks of kale
- 2 stalks of celery
- bit of spinach
- bit of thai basil
- 1 lime
- 1 apple
- 1 bit of ginger
- 2 kiwis (not juiced, but eaten concurrently)



End result?  A pint of that green liquid goodness!  Because it is highly perishable, you should drink it immediately.  Right now, my tummy feels full and jiggly from all this juice.  Unfortunately, I'm hungry and the juice did nothing for it.  Have to wait till my system processes a bit before I have room for toast.

Weight:  181

Oh, snap!

Boy, today has felt like a bit of an off day.  No jogging, big dinner (yummy dumplings), bad-for-you BUT oh-so-tasty snacks... If I didn't know better, I would feel bad about it.

HOWEVER.  This is not about feeling bad.  It's about being okay with mistakes and imperfections.  It's about letting go of that heavy yoke called guilt that we all wear like a dirty hairshirt.  And instead, moving towards a healthier place -- in all aspects.

So today, I'm saying it's okay that I took the day off.  Tomorrow, I'll get back at it again.

Meanwhile, I had the munchies after dinner.  I attempted some redemption with the following:

How did I do?

Blooming bush

I have a lovely gardenia standard (ie a bush trained into a tree) in my place that has just given me my first autumn bloom.  A few more ripe buds will follow suit shortly.

They are one of the most wonderful, intoxicatingly fragrant flowers to have.
Can you smell it?
Sweet, creamy, heady, exotic.  *sigh*


The blooms last but a few days, so I enjoy them while I can.  I feel blessed to have them.

My friend says, they bloom just for me......  Now isn't that a lovely thought?

PS  The species I have are known as gardenia jasminoides.

School work day

Weight:  181lbs

This morning, I'm torn between getting out and knocking off my activity for today, or staying in and getting some much needed reading done.

Drat.  Just checked and there is a wind warning in effect.

Okay.  Reading till 11am.  I'll see where I'm at then.

Breakfast  leftovers from last night.  Tofu and veggies.  Asian-style.  What do you guys think about savory foods in the morning?  Is that crazy?

Brekkie for a blah day

Weight:  180lbs (stubbornly holding steady)

It's grey and dreary.  But it's dry.  So I'm going to put on my runners and huff my way around the track.

Breakfast this morning was not plain toast as I had originally planned.  Instead, I did it Elvis-style -- peanut butter and banana.  Great pick-me-up for a blah morning like today.

I'm off to run!

IT GETS BETTER

A couple of days ago, I missed out on wearing purple for Spirit Day on Oct 20. Didn't even know about the event until I got home.

Whether it's for being gay, or overweight, or different, bullying can be such a difficult issue in a young person's life. I may have missed the opportunity to show my support that particular day, but it's an issue that can be addressed every day.

Please know, IT GET'S BETTER. It really does. In a few short years, you can move on and leave those bullies behind. Go out in the world and find those who love and accept you. They are out there. And they can't wait to meet you! =)

Much love. Namaste.

Edit: Turns out that I didn't completely miss my opportunity.  I did post an awesome song that really speaks to today's message.  "Things will get better!"  Have a listen.  Make it your anthem.

...the old man is snoring....

This is what I'm looking at this weekend.  Check out those rainfall totals!

 I'm not keen enough to slog through the rain and I don't have a rainy day plan yet, so......

Okay.  I guess I'm doing sit-ups and push-ups tonight.

Buttering bread

Weight: 180lbs

This morning's weigh-in revealed that I'm back up a pound. I'm not super concerned... yet. I've only just started this, so there's little need to panic. However, I am wondering if I should be weighing in daily.  Is that just obsessive and excessive?  Maybe a bi-weekly weigh-in would be more appropriate.  What do you think? "Weigh-in" on the poll.

Just looked at the time and I've gots ta get meself to skool!  Eeek!

Breakfast:  buttered toast.  Thought about substituting with jam, but then reconsidered all that sugar.  Not sure which is the lesser of the evils (fat vs sugar).  Tomorrow I'm going to try plain toast.  Maybe with a banana.  Leave a comment if you have a preference or suggestion.  :)

Things will get better!

Music by bendsinister

In the soundtrack of my life, this has been my anthem for this past week.

It's so green I can SMELL it!

Came back from my walk/run, and my place smells like freshly cut grass.  *haha*  Might explain what I drank this morning.  *grin*

I'm tuckered out.  Tried running a bit more this time.  Still can't run for very long.  Feels like I can only run for a few seconds and then have to stop.  I can run for about a 1/4 of the track.  I've also noticed that doing the slow jog thing doesn't make it easier for me.  I don't last any longer and I definitely don't get any further.  But it's getting better.

If you've got running techniques, or even health/diet advice or comments, I'm totally up for hearing them!  :)

Feeling green this morning?

Weight:  179lbs

Less hectic this morning, so I made some green juice.  Kale, chard, cucumbers, lime and ginger.  One word.

Eech.

My fault for not putting some sweet fruit in there.  I didn't want to chance it.  The juicer was groining about the kale and chard.  In fact, it decided to quit while mid-juicing.  Tomorrow I'll give it another try.  See if I really broke it or not.  :)

Was thinking about going down to the oval in my neighbourhood.  Worried about interfering with the high school kids and their gym classes.  Maybe that's just an excuse.  If I do a quick 30mins, I might be done and gone before they're there.  Okay.  Good plan.

Now go do it.

Grocery shopping while hungry

No news today.  Had school work on my plate, so I forewent anything nutritious or active.  Skipped breakfast and lunch (*bad*), but I make it a point NOT to eat on campus since it's so expensive.  Plus, I parked the car in the parkade ($14 bucks... YIKES!), so I definitely wasn't eating till I got home.  Unfortunately, that meant I went grocery shopping while hungry......

So what does a hungry bunny buy?

- whole wheat bread (doing okay)
- tomatoes (still okay)
- butter (for baking, maybe not a good thing, but alright)
- frozen lasagna on sale (sliding a bit)
- can of soup (slowly down the skid)
- bag of Sunchips (uh... )
- bag of halloween-sized peanut butter cups (what?!)

I've actually been thinking of sunchips for a few days.  I'll keep them around.  Portion it out.  Make them last till Halloween.  That's my goal.

Forgot to mention that I did my exercise today.  30mins of walking/running.  Yay!  By the way, going to start publishing my morning weight.  That sounds super scary to me.  But I'm going to put it out there anyway.

Today's weigh in:  179lbs (down a pound from yesterday).

Veggie crazy?

Last night I dropped by the grocers and picked up some fruit in anticipation of juicing.

What did I have this morning?

Organic Green Kale
Celery
Carrots
Beets
Green apples
Lime

Thai basil

Ginger

How did it taste?  Zingy!  It had a light zest to it.  The lime, basil and ginger were my favourite parts.  Perfect as my morning pick-me-up!  And I love the bright contrasting colours!

Lunch was simple.  Buckwheat soba noodles with Mom's special homemade XO sauce, seaweed and soba sauce.  Delicious and easy as heck to make.







Dinner was a big spinach salad loaded with an egg, half an avocado, a tomato, some provolone and mushrooms, and a sprinkling of dried cranberries.  I'm going to have to learn portion control.  :)  Even with salads.

Lemonade needs a juicer

Today, I hunted down a juicer so that I could start making more juices for myself.  Good healthy way to get more nutrients into your system.  I picked up an oldie-but-a-goodie.  Mom used to have one of these at home and it lasted for decades... until she accidentally threw out the filter screen.  Oops!

So I found the same one on Craigslist -- the Braun MP50.  It's loud and big and bulky.  But it's also affordable and dependable.  Check out the label.  "West Germany".  This baby is at least 20+ years old!  

Tomorrow we'll see what kind of work I can make it do.  

Can I also mention that I'm a big fan of giving items a second chance at a new life.  It's a great way to help the environment.  There's so much junk in the world, but some of it is bound to be someone else's treasure.  Just think about it.

Ms. Huffy-puffy on the bike

So I've knocked off my activity for today.

50mins on the bike to a local farmer's market.  Round trip around 6km (if you include my getting lost).

It was embarrassing!  Haven't been on my bike for three years... and it SHOWED!  I used to do 16km in about the same time.  Granted, Richmond is totally, blessedly flat and I took quiet side roads.  Aaah, those were the days.  *haha*

Anyway.  Glad to dust off the bike and take it out for a ride.

Wild about wild rice!

We all know that whole grain foods are good for you.  What might be news to some is that it can taste fantastic.

Yesterday, after my first walk/jog (yay!), I made some wild rice for dinner.  Here's what I used:

1 cup of roasted organic wild rice
1 yellow pepper
1/2 long eggplant
1/2 onion
3 cloves of garlic
4 shitake mushrooms
1 honey garlic sausage (optional)
sprinkling of parmesan cheese (optional)
salt & pepper to taste

1. Soak rice overnight so that it begins to flower.  Combine rice w/ about 4 cups of water.  Bring to full boil.  Reduce heat, cover and boil gently for 30min.

2. Chop veggies.  Throw everything into pot, except yellow pepper.  Leave those till the last to retain colour and crispness.  Toss in a pinch of salt.  Reduce heat, keep covered.

3.  If you want to use a sausage like I did, remove pork from casing and cook separately.  Break it into little pieces with your fork.  Then add it to the rice pot.  Pancetta would also go nicely because of its rich, smoky flavour.

4.  Depending on how firm/mushy you like your rice, keep over low heat until satisfied.  Drain the remaining water, if any.

I used enough water and waited long enough for the water to burn off in the uncovered pot.  What I was left with was nice, soft rice.  If you like, sprinkle with some parmesan cheese after.  Hmmm..... Plenty of leftovers.  Serves about 4-5 servings.  Enjoy!

Welcome!

So last night I decided that as a part of my quest to get myself back to a healthier place, I would put up a blog.  If other people can read it, that means I need to be more accountable for the goals I set for myself.

My mother recently underwent a heart procedure (angioplasty) to help get more blood into her heart.  It was a wake up call for her.  And for me.  Over the years, I've slowly been gaining weight.  Clothes that used to be my favourite now languish in the back of the closet because I can't fit them.  And going clothes shopping is just plain humbling!  I've gone up as much as 4 sizes.  Seeing my mother change her diet and eating habits, and witnessing her physical change within a short month's time has inspired me to make a change.

This past year has been incredibly challenging.  Personal relationships.  Love loss.  Job loss.  Pet loss.   Mom's health.  Back to school full-time.  I was spiraling into a tail spin and feeling so overwhelmed.

In fact, I still feel very overwhelmed.  But I want to make a difference in my life.  I NEED to make a difference.  So I'm going to start with simple, small things.  Change my diet.  Incorporate some exercise into my routine.  Take on a life coach.  You heard me.  I have a life coach!  Actually, a life coach-in-training.  The amazing Ms. S has provided me with this opportunity for a symbiotic relationship.  I'm her guinea pig and she's my coach.  She is one of the loveliest persons I've met.  My journey with her will last six months.  I'll keep you posted.

For today, I just wanted to start this off.  Share a bit.  Tomorrow I'll do the same.  And the day after.... Thanks for being a part of this.

Namaste.
bunny